I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
