How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
