thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
