I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
These tits shall not be calmed
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
