I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
