I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
