Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
