shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
What a dumb baby whore.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
