so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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