Don't you send me to vm
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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