Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
