I want to make a zoo with you.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
