Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
