Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
