Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
