a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
