Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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