today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
