There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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