You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
