There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
