I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
