dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
