Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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