So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
