somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You are a genius and a whore.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
