I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
