you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
