You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
