Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
