You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
