did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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