Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
