so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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