Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
