Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
