I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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