1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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