too bad you live with your parents still
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
