I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
