I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
