you mean i was at the winter classic?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
