youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
