I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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