so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
