I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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