I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
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