Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
