I think I am morally bankrupt
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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