If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
