Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
